The Trials of Reno
by The Sacred and Profane
Summary: Reno thinks he can handle his wife being pregnant. He's in for a shock. ReTi oneshot for MysticSpiritus.


The Trials of Reno

The Trials of Reno

AN: I own nothing in this story. This is for MysticSpiritus so enjoy. Please R&R.

Reno was relaxing next to his wife on the couch, his lanky arms wrapped around her. He sighed in contentment and Tifa smiled at him. She reached out a pale hand and stroked the right side of his face. The ex Turk then noticed Tifa's nervous expression.

"Is something wrong honey?" Reno asked.

"Reno I'm…I'm… pregnant…" Tifa waited for his reaction. Reno hugged onto her tightly and she started gasping for air.

"We're going to be parents!" Then he noticed how much he was suffocating his wife. Breaking apart quickly he gave her a sheepish grin. "Sorry about that." Once Tifa had regained some oxygen she hugged him back.

"I'm glad you're happy about this. I just hope you can handle me when I'm pregnant."

"Teef what's going to change about you? All that will happen is that you'll gain a lot of weight and want to eat some disgusting food." Tifa rolled her eyes but kissed Reno on the lips. He was in for a shock, the Avalanche member thought to herself.

A few weeks later Tifa was on her knees and puking into the toilet. Reno was rubbing his wife's back as she did so but that did little to curb the morning sickness. Tifa glared at Reno after her latest puking session.

"This is your fault Reno!" Tifa yelled.

"But…I thought you wanted a baby?" Reno asked, perplexed.

"I do, I just don't want to get fat." Tifa said, still glaring at her husband. Vomit rose in the back of her throat again and she puked into the toilet bowl.

* * *

The day of the third month dawned and Tifa had just gotten out of the shower. Walking to her closet, she pulled out her favorite pair of jeans. She had just gotten them over her thighs and was about to button them when something got in the way: her stomach. Reno came into the room and saw the predicament.

"You're gaining weight! That's great!" Reno said, smiling. Tifa turned around and looked at him with puppy dog eyes, her lower lip trembling. Sobs wracked her body and she started bawling. Reno came forward and wrapped his arms around her or at least he started too. Tifa pushed him away as soon as he got close to her.

"Don't touch me! If you touch me I'll just get fatter!" Tifa then ran out of the room, still crying. Reno looked after the departing form of his wife with wide eyes.

"What the hell was that about?" Reno wondered aloud.

During the fifth month Tifa was getting cravings. Her now sizable belly growled as she snuggled up to Reno in their bed. It was about midnight and Reno had finally fallen asleep but Tifa shook him until he blearily opened his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Reno asked. Tifa pouted at him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I'm starving…so could you get me some onions soaked in butter, gummy bear pizza, and some chocolate covered hamburgers?" Her stomach growled louder at the prospect of all that food and Reno was worried if he didn't leave right now she might just eat him.

"Alright I'll go, just try and get some sleep alright?" Tifa squealed in delight and hugged onto him as well she could with her pregnant belly. Reno extricated himself from the embrace and went to get his wife's belly what it demanded as a sacrifice.

An hour later Reno walked up the stairs to their shared bedroom, his arms straining under the weight of all the food he had gotten. Tifa had called him while he was at the store and ordered more disgusting food combinations and so he had bought them. He was about to open the door when Tifa opened it for him, her wine red orbs glaring at him.

"You're late! I bet you were out cheating huh? It's all because I'm a fat nag right?" She then took the food and shut the door but not before throwing him a pillow and blanket. "Hope you like the couch, you'll be sleeping there for a couple weeks."

The next day Reno went to wake Tifa up, a bouquet of flowers in his hand. Opening the bedroom door he saw his wife sprawled out on the bed. Her face was covered in chocolate and butter and the bed sheets were littered with crumbs, chips, and Lord knows what other horrible foods. She opened her eyes then and groaned, her breathing heavy.

"I think I overdid it Re…" Reno came up and placed a hand on his wife's belly, rubbing it gently. "BURRRRPPPPPPPP!" The belch was rank and Reno's eyes nearly started watering from all the onion fumes. Tifa looked down at her food splattered form and belched again. "This is all your fault Reno! You and that damn sperm of yours!" Reno sighed and nodded his head.

* * *

The eight month was crazy. Or at least Reno was convinced his wife was. Tifa giggled at her huge stomach now and loved dressing up Reno in all kinds of outfits, like he was her own personal doll or something. Which was why he was currently dressed in a maid's outfit, his hair dyed pink, and his dignity crushed. Cloud was trying not to laugh out loud at his friend but some slight chuckles managed to escape his lips. Tifa turned to him and smiled sweetly.

"Isn't he the cutest dressed like that?" Tifa asked. Cloud nodded his assent. "Good then I want you two to french each other right in front of me."

"Tifa why do you…" But Tifa cut him off with a glare.

"You had better do it Cloud." She raised a fist at him and Cloud gulped. Reno just sighed heavily and walked up to the Ex Soldier. Pressing his lips quickly against the other man's, he shuddered when his tongue entered Cloud's mouth. Tifa giggled at the site and motioned for them to stop. Cloud instantly ran out of the house, muttering something about visiting Yuffie. Tifa turned to Reno and hugged him tightly.

"Wasn't that the sexiest thing ever?" Tifa said.

"No, it was horrible." Reno said. Tifa glared at him and went to the telephone. Dialing a number she waited for the person on the other end to answer.

"Hello Nanaki? You should come over and visit me today! Yeah I'm as big as a freaking whale now and Reno's so sexy. Alright see you then, bye!" Reno shuddered in horror and prayed to God that the baby was born soon.

* * *

Tifa was panting heavily, her face red and her legs in stirrups. The doctor and nurses were milling about her and her husband had his hand in hers.

"Just breathe Mrs. Lockhart this will all be over soon." The doctor said calmly.

"YOU SAID THAT 10 HOURS AGO!" Tifa yelled in pain and anger.

"It's alright Tifa, just endure a little longer." Reno said, trying to support his wife during the most painful moment of her life. Her eyes locked with his then and she started yelling once more.

"WHAT DO YOU KNOW YOU BASTARD!? WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE I'M GOING TO CASTRATE YOU WITH A BLENDER SO THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN!" She then squeezed tightly onto his hand as another contraction came.

"Alright I see the head! Keep pushing!" With a final, primal scream Tifa pushed and then her baby started crying. All the anger vanished and she watched the new life she and Reno had created breathe its first breath. She looked at Reno but he was passed out cold on the floor. It was then that she noticed his broken index finger and called for a doctor.

Reno opened his eyes and found himself in a hospital bed next to his wife. She was smiling at him and then Reno heard some rustling. Looking down, he saw his child held securely in his wife's arms. She then handed the newborn to Reno and he marveled at how light the baby was.

"This is your daughter Re."

"What should we call her?" Reno asked.

"I'll let you decide that." Tifa said, smiling once more.

"Nami. Nami Hope Lockhart." Reno said.

"That's a great name." Tifa said. Reno looked at her and smiled. Little Nami then opened her eyes and both parents saw that they were changing quickly from blue to black. She started crying then and Reno handed her back to Tifa, who rocked her daughter gently and cooed at her. "Hello Nami. That's daddy and we love you so much." Reno placed his uninjured hand on Tifa's shoulder and he drank in the sound of the baby's light breathing and Tifa's laughter.


End file.
